Confessions of a FATorexic

im really struggling . i dont know whats wrong with me.. i cant stick to this for even one day! i just really cant stay away from food.
today i impulsively ate a few handfuls of doritos but then chugged a bunch of water and made myself throw up.. just because i was ashamed that i had cheated again...
i know this is bad.. but i really really dont want to be fat anymore, but i just cant escape from my addiction..
i really dont know what to do! i know that if i cheat on this diet that it can make me gain even more weight than before, but even that doesnt stop me.. i know that if i just stick with this until i leave in the fall, that i can be almost 100 lbs lighter by then, but even that doesnt stop me... I can see that im losing inches everywhere, but even that doesnt stop me...
I need help!